Hang on .... Did we order a waterfall with this apartment?

The offending AC unit in place above the doors.

When the temperature outside is 49c, the need for air conditioning becomes rather pressing. We had an AC unit in each room - along with a US$600/month power bill.  Said units were in varying states of (dis)repair and some of them were downright creative in their 'workings' in that they were insanity inducing due to noise and vibration.

The unit in the lounge was one of the newer AC specimens in our apartment and seemed to be fairly reliable ... or so I thought until one morning upon rising, I was greeted by the addition to our household of a wonderful new feature.Yes, the AC unit had; over night, transformed itself from simple cooling unit to a one of a kind, designer Indoor Waterfall which was cascading merrily down the wall to fall with delicious cool splashes onto the marble floor.

Onto the phone to Chris I got, and 'Sid'; our apartment manager, was duly contacted. He assured us that the 'fixit' brigade were on their way. So after installing enough buckets to stop the lounge becoming a lake, Geri and I settled down to await our salvation ... and wait ... and wait ... and empty buckets ... and wait, until at last two workers arrived to sort the problem out.

From past experience I knew what to expect and so I settled in to watch what I was sure was going to be an 'interesting' show.  As it transpired, I wasn't disappointed. Now, if only I had thought to sell tickets ...

AC Fixit Man (ACFM) and his Unfortunate Assistant (UA) came into the apartment, serious faces in place and tool box in tow. I showed them which unit was broken, miming that it was making a waterfall. They looked at each other and then looked at me as if I was stark raving mad. I mean after all, there was no water falling down, just some water sitting in buckets and who knows what these crazy foreign women got up to when ACBM and AS weren't looking. Maybe Mam was going to use the buckets of water for something ... 

After standing in the lounge for 20 mins or so deliberating and discussing what was to be done about fixing imaginary indoor waterfalls, ACBM and AS came to the conclusion that there was nothing to be done inside and they went outside to regoup on the balcony. More serious discussions took place, accompanied by much waving of hands, scratching of chins and knowledgeable head nodding. Finally a solution was agreed upon, the tool box was opened and a screw driver was extracted. Said screw driver was deftly inserted into the end of the AC unit's outlet pipe, jabbed about a bit with serious intent then firmly put back into the tool box. After closing the tool box the lads came back inside with beatific grins on their faces and assured me that it was "All better Mam!!!"

Hmmmmm, Okaaaaay....... Yeah. I knew that this was simply a case of "We have no idea what the problem is (because you imagined the waterfall Mam) so we did something and now we can go and have a cup of tea." So, off they went! I even got a call from Chris telling me Sid had called to assure him the problem had been sorted. Such good news!! I of course knew that the fault hadn't been fixed, but in India you just have to allow the process to unfold and follow along as it takes its natural course. Later that day the water feature once again graced us with its presence and we resignedly redeployed our buckets.

I decided that a new plan was needed and instead of contacting Sid again I decided to simply leave the buckets in place; with the AC unit running flat out to ensure a nice constant supply of water for the water feature, for the cleaners to find the next morning when they came in to work.

Dust Storm - one of the reasons cleaning was a daily affair.

A small aside here. The reason the cleaners came in every day - apart from the fact that they 'came with' the apartment was that within 24 hours of being cleaned, all of the surfaces in the apartment were black and gritty. The source of this dirt was air borne ollution and the massive dust storms that hit most days. The fact that none of the windows or doors sealed shut properly meant that anything air borne could simply blow in on the wind and settle inside.

My laundry - on a 'clear' day, just after the cleaners have been.

The following morning  the cleaners duly arrived and I quietly stood back so that I could observe their reaction to discovering the joys of our new indoor water feature. Alas, I was to be disappointed as their discovery was greeted with much consternation accompanied by vigorous head wobbling and hand waving.

Out came the cell phone and a rapid conversation punctuated by concise hand gestures ensued. A few minutes later my phone rang. It was Chris calling to let me know that Sid had called him to let us know that ACFM and UA would once again be gracing us with their presence later that day. Oh GOODY - the anticipation was excruciating to say the least.

The expected knock on the door was answered by me with a great flourish  and grandiose welcome. The poor bemused workmen entered and once again went over to the AC unit to ponder life in general and the foibles of modern technology. At least this time the waterfall was evident and indeed, a beautiful thing to behold it was. After a minute or two, ACFM issued an order to UA. UA came over to me and with many 'Mams' he started miming...

First holding his hand down .... then holding his hand up .... 'Mam!'

Hand down, hand up .... 'Mam!' 

Hand down, hand up ...... 'Mam!'

Hand down, hand up ....'Mam!'

Hand down, hand up ....

You get the picture, I'm sure. 

It finally dawned on Mam that he wanted a ladder and solemnly shaking my head to indicate I didn't have a ladder, I indicated that they could pull the dining table over to climb on. This suggestion was greeted with absolute horror and a storm of head shaking erupted from UA who whipped out the ubiquitous cell phone once again. Through (I assume) the Sid communication channel, there was shortly a knock on the door and one of the cleaners delivered a ladder to UA who delivered it with great aplomb to ACFM.  The next hour or so consisted of ACFM barking orders at poor UA who had to try to convey to me what ACFM wanted. This comedy of errors and misunderstood mimes reached its culmination when UA embarked on the mime to end all mimes.

Holding his hand aloft he imitated stepping, once, twice, then lowered his hand with a 'Mam!' of course.

So here we go ...

Hand up, step, step, hand down ... 'Mam!'...

Hand up, step, step, hand down ... 'Mam!'...

Hand up, step, step, hand down ... 'Mam!'...

Hand up, step, step, hand down ... 'Mam!'...

Hand up, step, step, hand down ... 'Mam!'...
  

Well, Mam just didn't get it I'm afraid. My son tells me I failed at Indian Charades because UA was miming in Hindi .... Yeah Ok, thanks Son!

Anyway, as I looked blankly at UA he became more and more agitated, miming faster and faster  and louder and louder as this would make me understand. All the while, ACFM was yelling at UA to get what he was asking for. Finally, I held up my hand and got out my phone. This triggered a startling increase in both the volume and speed of UA's miming and a frantic shaking of heads and flapping of hands. It was my turn to mime as I tried to get him to stop and just wait a minute as rang Chris and asked for Sid's number. Once I had Sid on the phone I explained the situation and asked him to ask ACFM just what it was that he wanted. A very animated conversation ensued whilst I waited with baited breath for an asnwer. I was dying to know just what it was that had caused so much passion and grief. Finally, the phone came back to me and Sid quietly told me ...

"Mam, they are simply needful of a cup with which to scoop water...."

OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't help myself, burst out laughing and stumbled off to the kitchen to find the precious cup. Both ACFM and UA gazed upon me with pity and consternation when I returned chortling, blubbering and cackling with glee, holding aloft the prize of the day - a cup! I guess I can see why they looked at me like that.  I mean, not only did I suck at playing charades, but I was also obviously certifiably crazy as this was a very serious business and not funny at all!

By the time I had returned from the kitchen, UA; whom I am sure thought I had just gone off to babble and drool quietly in the mad corner and didn't plan on coming back, had frantically emptied out a pot of screws and was trying to convince ACFM that this would do the job - which was simply to empty some water from the bottom of the AC unit. ACFM accepted the pot, rejecting my precious cup; which sat forlornly on the dining table feeling unwanted, and got on with fixing the AC unit - or not ....

Soon after this I had to evacuate Geri from India so I never got to see how effective the repair on the unit was. But Chris did, as he stayed on a bit longer. He was able to report that the indoor water feature made a spectacular return not long after we left. I'm so glad that he got to witness and enjoy the wonder of it!